


Gunpowder, Treason, and Plot

by PhoenixandMuser



Series: Domesticity [2]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-05
Updated: 2015-11-05
Packaged: 2018-04-30 05:31:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5152103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhoenixandMuser/pseuds/PhoenixandMuser
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim had always enjoyed the fireworks this time of year, but now he sees a less festive side to it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gunpowder, Treason, and Plot

Smoke drifted through the sky, blending in with wispy grey clouds. For an hour now, Jim had sat comfortably by his bedroom window, watching the fireworks soar up from the city, bursting into a short, fiery life, before fading into the autumn night. There was something about the enthusiastic, long-standing way in which the country celebrated an attempt to commit such a crime that Jim found amusing.

There was a pause between the howls and pops, the silence pregnant with the anticipation of all who watched.

Once again, the night erupted with an almost blinding flash, and a bang that shook Jim to the core. It repeated over and over. He could feel it tremor through the building beneath his feet. For that split second, Jim could feel neither his breath nor his heartbeat, as the noise and light of the explosions consumed him. The echo rang through the air, only to be torn apart by the screams of another round of rockets. They were shrill and obnoxious, the bursts not justifying the noise. Sometimes they sounded like the cries of the spineless, disloyal men tortured deep beneath the ground.

Jim preferred the airbombs.

Some of the fireworks made the sky glow red, as if they would be engulfed by flames from above. The idea reminded him of Sebastian. He turned his back on the displays outside in favour of locating him.

 

Jim pushed the door open and peered in “Hey Sebby, do you want to set more fireworks off on the roof?” He frowned when Sebastian only curled up tighter beneath the duvet. “What’s up with you?” he muttered, walking over and wrenching the covers away.

Sebastian glared up at him, reluctantly removing one of his earphones. “What do you want?”

Jim began to question him when he was interrupted by a particularly loud round of fireworks which bathed the room in a red glow.

The blond visibly flinched. “What do you want, Jim? If you’re just being silly, fuck off and leave me alone.”

“What’s your problem?” he tutted, eyes narrowing “You’re scared of fireworks, of all things?”

“I am so close to punching your lights out right now.”

The smaller man scowled, and started tugging his arm “You’re stupid for hiding under a blanket, it’s quieter in the living room. Come on, get up.”

“Are you deliberately getting on my nerves?” Sebastian snapped, shoving him away, pulling the other earphone out and marching out of the room.

He followed, huffing with frustration “Sebastian, do not walk away from me.” He smiled smugly when his sniper stopped. “Talk to me…” he sang, walking closer.

“Please Jim.” He murmured. He stepped forwards when he felt the smaller man’s hands pressing on his back and encouraging him forwards. He moved towards the sofa, sitting down and looking away.

Jim perched on his lap and took his face in both hands.

“What are you doing? Get off…”

Jim’s brow furrowed with concentration as he studied the blonde’s face. He could tell how hard Sebastian tried not to flinch at the sudden explosions outside, although the way his jaw clenched and his eyes darted to the window gave him away.

“It’s not like you’re not used to loud noises like that, you fire guns almost daily.”

Sebastian shook his head. “Not the same… It’s only a split second, and it’s over, and we can go home.”

“I knew you were damaged goods, but…” Jim smiled at the withering glare Sebastian shot him.  He got to his feet and retrieved the remote to the stereo system. When he returned to his position on Sebastian’s lap, he put it in the taller man’s hands.

“Sit over there, you irritating man-child.” He rolled his eyes as he turned the stereo on, hastening to turn the volume up and drown out the fireworks which had just restarted.

Jim lay his head on Sebastian’s shoulder, and buried his face against his neck. He ran his fingers through his dyed blond hair and smiled when he felt his body relax.

“I thought you wanted to go and set more off from the roof.”

“Now I want to stay here and get on your nerves.”

Sebastian forced a short laugh. He let his hands settle on Jim’s waist and squeezed him gently “What are you doing?”

“I don’t really know, I’m not used to seeing you like this.” He raised his head and watched Sebastian’s face. “I think I understand a little, though.”

“Yeah?”

“Sometimes you just desperately need silence but once something gets in your head, there’s no chance, so you just have to try and drown it out.” His nails scraped against the nape of Sebastian’s neck “It doesn’t matter who you are, there’s at least one thing that plays havoc with your head. You have to refrain from coming undone.”

“Uh-huh…” He frowned, gazing back at Jim. The stereo continued playing loudly, filling the room with music neither had any real interest in, and partially masking the fireworks. His breath hitched in his throat as Jim leaned in closer to ask how he was feeling now. “Still a little on edge.” He admitted. Despite the fact that he was beginning to enjoy the attention Jim was giving him, he felt unusually weak and exposed. “What are you scared of, Jim?”

Jim smiled “I’m sure there’s something, but I’m lucky enough not to be confronted with it so far, so I don’t need to think about it.”

“Aren’t you enigmatic?” he rolled his eyes.

“You like me that way though. Gives you something to think about while you’re perving on me.”

Sebastian smirked “That’s true. While we’re on the topic, I’d like to point out that I’m not opposed to all kind of loud banging, if you’re looking to make me feel better.” He shielded himself from Jim’s strikes, the brunet laughing openly. Giving Sebastian no clues about his intentions, threw his arms around his neck and pressed their lips together.

He kissed back eagerly, gripping Jim’s waist and pulling him closer; he forced himself to focus on Jim above all else, and he suspected Jim's suddenly amorous behaviour was just to distract him.

The room fell silent for a moment as the playlist finished, and the pair’s soft panting was audible before an echoing bang tore through the air. Sebastian jolted pulling back from the kiss and looking around him again.

“You’re a kitten in a tiger’s clothes, aren’t you darling?” Jim murmured, making Sebastian look at him.

With a frown, Sebastian turned the music back on “Shut up, Jim.”

“I’m not mocking you.” He looped his arms around the blond’s neck. “What have you got to be scared about? World War 3 could be starting out there, and we wouldn’t have anything to worry about. We’re the dream team, you and I. Right?”

Sebastian shrugged.

“It’s not like you have a choice in whether you agree with me, so I’m going to continue with my point: You’re not just a pawn anymore, I won’t be putting you in that kind of situation again.”

He lay his head on Jim’s chest, clinging onto the front of his t-shirt. “I feel pathetic.”

“You’re not the only one with weak spots. Being a little fucked in the head doesn’t make you an odd one out here… Anyway, I don’t have time for pathetic people.”

“It’s getting late, don’t you want to go back to doing your own thing?”

“We can stay here all night, if you need to.”

“Ah…”

“I wonder if we would get more peace in the downstairs office. Or would that be more distressing for you?” He got up from the sofa and walked back to his bedroom.

“I’ll be fine. Could you bring my phone back? Your music sucks.”

Jim poked his head around the corner to glare momentarily at Sebastian, who merely shrugged.

When he returned, pillow and duvet bundled in his arms, Sebastian’s iPhone tucked beneath his chin.

“I suppose yours better for covering noise.” He muttered. “Mine’s more fun though. Turn it off for me, will you?” He walked across the room to the hallway, and waited for Sebastian to join him.

Together, they took a brisk walk to the elevator.

As the pair sunk slowly down the levels of the apartment block, echoes of the fireworks and the usual mechanical knocks about them only served to unsettle the blond further. He looked down at his feet, steady on the carpet, but in his stomach he could feel his slow descent. With a silent, shaky sigh, he pressed his eyes closed.

The lift jolted to stop, and Sebastian felt Jim nudge him forwards. With hesitance he looked up and stepped into the office hidden two floors beneath ground level. Despite the office rarely having visitors, there was a reception area, furnished with plush sofas and a coffee table. Always prepared to receive. Behind an unmanned desk was the door to Jim’s office, and on both adjacent walls, doors hid interrogation rooms and holding cells.

Jim walked ahead of Sebastian, throwing the bedding down onto the sofa and falling backwards onto it. He tilted his head and watched as the taller man approached him. He closed his eyes and felt the seat sink beside him, and after a moment, a warm weight against his body. He draped his arm around Sebastian’s shoulders.

Aside from the buzz of electric from the lights, the room was completely silent.

He glanced down at Sebastian, but couldn’t catch sight of his face without jostling him.

“Is this… an improvement?” he murmured.

Sebastian opened his eyes to take in his surroundings, but by doing so, he allowed the tears to flow, falling from his eyelashes, and cutting crooked paths across his face.

Feeling the tears seep through his shirt, Jim frowned. He turned his body, allowing his sniper to hide his face against his chest. Although he had the presence of mind to gently wrap his arms around the larger man’s trembling body, he gazed blankly at the wall opposite him. He murmured comforting phrases over and over with disconnect.

Jim felt every muscle in Sebastian’s torso tense up within his embrace. His usually steady hands clenched in his shirt, trembling from the stress. The blond’s tall, strong frame curled in on itself, in an attempt to smother the pain in his chest and sickness in his stomach.

Although muffled, Jim could hear him choking on his quick, ragged breaths. He trailed a hand up Sebastian’s back, continuing up the clammy nape of his neck, sliding into his ruffled golden hair. With his other hand still resting on the small of Sebastian’s back, he traced a circle with his fingertips, the gesture slow and rhythmic.

Jim ignored the tightness in his own stomach. He wondered what had been enough to crack Sebastian. His resilient, unassailable Sebastian, calloused and scarred, who now wept and quivered in unrestrained anguish. As he began to imagine what could have broken the man, he began to feel nauseated, his own palms sweaty as he stroked Sebastian’s back.

The way in which they held each other felt something akin to them hiding behind a shattered shields.

The brunet couldn’t guess how long it took for Sebastian’s episode to subside, but he became conscious of the larger man fidgeting, sighing weakly as he tried to get into a more comfortable position.

Eventually, his breathing cleared. Head ducked low, he wiped his face with the heel of his palm. His eyes were bloodshot, and his skin felt raw from the wetness of his tears. He still trembled, but his body felt heavy.

“If you can sleep, you should. I don’t mind staying down here.” Jim muttered, putting the pillow at the other end of the sofa.

Sebastian shrugged, lying back and staring up at the ceiling.

Jim watched him for a moment. He thought the blond looked hollow, like everything he was had slipped through the cracks in his psyche. Jim looked away from him. “Lights on or off?”

“On.” He answered without hesitation, but his voice was hoarse.

Jim nodded. With a rueful smile, he looked back at Sebastian “Mind if I join you?”

“Mmh.” He raised an arm, encouraging Jim to take his usual spot at his side.

The smaller man slowly moved to lay with him, unfurling the duvet and pulling it over them both.

Feeling the familiar weight on his chest, Sebastian dropped his arm back down and squeezed Jim tight. He stared up at the ceiling, quiet and unmoving until his sore eyes fell closed.

 

Sebastian clenched his jaw tighter as he felt something sharp sink into his sides and heard his name hissed in his ear. It was with rattling gasps that he awoke, sitting up with a start and finding himself soaked in a cold sweat, Jim pinching and hitting him.

“It’s really not safe for you to be such a deep sleeper, Christ…” the brunet sighed and moved to give him some space.

“Oh.” He grunted, laying back again. He pressed his eyes closed, trying to separate his nightmares from reality; it was not long before he gave up, accepting that the two were both one and the same. He huffed with frustration and frowned at Jim. “Why are you just sitting there all silent and brooding? What’s your damn problem?”

Jim answered with a weary look.

“Just come closer or something, you’ve got no reason to be standoffish with me.”

“If you weren’t so emotionally stunted, I’d hear that as you asking for me to comfort you.” He lay on top of Sebastian, resting his head on his shoulder and looking up at him with wide eyes. He gave a quick smile before biting the skin of his jawline.

“Jim, what the fuck?” Sebastian flinched away.

“How am I supposed to protect our weak spots if you actively try to conceal them from me? You’ve been irresponsible and cowardly. I am not happy.”

“Cowardly?” he grunted, gritting his teeth.

“Oh, don’t get all emotional again, you know exactly what I mean. Neglecting to mention that you have an issue like this for the sake of your pride…” He kissed the spot he had just bitten “You don’t have a choice in which scars you bare to me, is that clear?”

Sebastian gave him a scornful glare, but Jim merely smiled, kissing the tip of his nose.

“What’s a little post-traumatic stress between friends?”

“You’re such a prick.” He looked away in disgust.

“Yeah, yeah…” he lay his head on the blond’s shoulder again. “I’m just trying to get you to smile like a daft git, the way you usually do. Does that mean I’m selfish?”

“Incredibly so.”

Jim smiled, nuzzling at the heated skin of his neck “Ah, well. You know what I’m like. I suppose it’s just because I’m still shaken.”

“Terribly sorry.” Sebastian grumbled, resting his cheek atop Jim’s hair.

“I know you’re being scathingly insincere right now, but I’ll let it slide. I don’t actually want an apology.”

“No?”

“No. Keeping it a secret was irresponsible, but not unforgivable. If it were the other way around, I doubt I’d tell you if something could get to me like that.”

He hummed thoughtfully, resting his hand on Jim’s waist and tracing patters idly with his fingers. Jim asked him if he wanted to sleep some more, and he answered with a quick shake of his head. “Just keep talking.”

“What do you want to talk about?”

“Nothing, I just want to listen to you.” He paused briefly before adding “Y’never shut up anyway.”

“Bastard.”

“Read something.”

With a tut, Jim leaned across Sebastian’s body, picking up his phone, which had fallen on the floor. “You’ve gotten too used to me giving a flying fuck about you, ‘Bastian.”

“Because you’re the epitome of tender loving care.” He retorted.

“I won’t read your bedtime story if you don’t stop taking your frustrations out on me.”

“I won’t hesitate to backhand the smirk off your face if you keep patronising me.”

Jim gave Sebastian a faux-scandalised look, and the two of them continued to bicker back and forth, no true malice between them.

“You know those plug-ins that keep cats calm when there are fireworks?” Jim mused, walking his fingers up Sebastian’s chest.

“Don’t you get bored of trying to demean me all the time?”

He smiled gently, shaking his head. He hummed, a soft purr of pleasure in response to the way Sebastian toyed with locks of his hair, thick and silky between his fingers. For a moment, it was silent.

With a slight stutter, Sebastian spoke “I thought you were going to find something to read. Or did you poke your eye with your mascara wand today, princess?”

“Why can’t you just admit to me that the silence is making you uncomfortable?” he raised his head and gave Sebastian an expectant look.

He shrugged “I know you already understand. I don’t see how you making me spell it out is amusing.”

“I know I’m quite a light hearted soul…” he paused, allowing the predictable scoff Sebastian gave in response “but somehow, this isn’t funny.” He took his phone once again, scrolling through the music stored on it. He kept the volume low, so as not to be too stimulating that it would keep them awake longer than needed.

They lay together, Sebastian eventually moving to lay on top, head resting comfortably on Jim’s chest. The smaller man curled up around him, legs intertwining with his, and pale fingers clinging to his shoulder.

When Jim began to sing along, Sebastian nestled against him more, savouring the way the brunet’s deep, soft voice resonated through him. The sweet action was gentle and uncommon enough to distract Sebastian from feeling ashamed of his vulnerability.

 _“If you'd like to walk a while, we could waste the day…”_ Jim’s voice was little above a breathy sigh, wistful and tender, and the buzz of the song radiating in his chest lulled Sebastian like a child falling asleep during a long journey. _“Follow me into the trees, I will lead the way.”_

_“Bring some change up to the bridge, bring some alcohol. There we'll make a final wish, just before the fall.”_

This made Sebastian smile, the words sounding familiar from Jim’s rambling about his elaborate schemes. It felt like a distant past.

_“Promise I will be forever yours, promise not to say another word._

_“Never mind, what’s done is done - always was a lucky one._

_“Watch the sunrise all alone, sitting on the tracks; hear the train come roaring in, never coming back._

_“Laying quiet in the grass, everything is still...”_

Jim trailed off when he felt Sebastian’s body slump. He smiled with relief, weary body encouraging him as he joined the blond in a much needed sleep.

 

With no natural light, Jim woke only when he was truly ready to. He looked down at Sebastian, who was snoring softly into his shirt. He suspected that the man had woken again, going from the dark shadows beneath his eyes, and his generally worn-looking face.

It was early in the afternoon, but Jim did not mind waiting for Sebastian to wake of his own accord. He kept himself amused by monitoring his work from his phone, and playing puzzle games when that option had been exhausted.

When Sebastian eventually woke up, his head hurt, and his body ached. Wordlessly, he sat up, rubbing his face with both hands.

“Ready to go back upstairs?”

He nodded, and they walked back to the elevator. They ascended in silence, but stood close beside each other. Sebastian moved slowly, slipping his hand into Jim’s back pocket and squeezing.

Jim looked at him out of the corner of his eye, a smirk playing on his lips.

Sebastian looked dull and drained, but still managed something close to his familiar grin, winking at his boss. Despite being under no illusion that Sebastian had completely recovered from the previous night, Jim nudged him playfully in response, then wrapped his arm around his waist.

The elevator opened out onto the hallway, where they stepped out. Jim opened the door for them to enter their flat. He could pinpoint the moment when Sebastian regained his composure and resolved to shrug the incident off, as if passing the threshold stripped him of a burden.

For the time being, both were happy to act under the pretence that there was simply no issue at all.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I really appreciate kudos, and comments make me ridiculously happy and help me keep motivated to improve ^^


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